Pointed sticks

Apparently, Melania Trump leaves sharpened sticks all round the White House.

They had to have this massive security review when they first started finding them because no one knew where they were coming from. They found them under sofas and other furniture,  leaning up between bookcases and walls and sometimes balanced on the tops of door frames. Obviously, they checked security camera footage, and they saw that everywhere they’d found the sticks, Melania had been hanging around, wearing one of her big coats. 

The Secret Service had to front her up about it, of course, but when they showed her the footage and asked if the sticks were anything to do with her, she just told them to fuck off. 

Eventually they had to go to the big man about it. They showed him the sticks, all whittled to a sharp point, and they showed him the security footage. One of the Secret Service men suggested that she might be trying to tell them something.  But Trump was just like, “Whatever, it’s fine, I’m not bothered, let her do what she wants.” 

So now they just clear the sticks out every couple of days. 

She always replaces them, though. No one knows where she gets them because she doesn’t really go out much.